Ever wonder what kind of junk food Michael Phelps reaches for when he gets the munchies? Probably not Twinkies. That's because Hostess much prefers athletes who suck at sports, according to a batch of faux-Olympic ads from Bernstein-Rein. The spots present cheap stock footage of out-of-shape everyday athletes pole vaulting, diving and doing gymnastics—in each case, very badly—to the accompaniment of a terrifically tacky/pompous synthesizer score. They're reaching for the kind of "gold" that real folks can savor: Twinkies. These clips are sweeter and more satisfying than most of the half-baked, bombastic ads that official Olympic sponsors and others have trotted out in recent weeks. Thanks, Hostess, for reminding us that no matter how slow and fat we get, you'll always be there with golden cake and creamy filling to make us slower and fatter! Come on, Nike jogger, you know you want one! Two more spots after the jump.